A cautionary tale forewarning and exposing the predatory byproduct of clickbait from TikTok and Instagram, of unqualified practitioners who are touting the cure and selling courses and memberships that claim to be the pathway to healing.
Let’s set the scene: you recently came across an offer on social media. A woman is speaking directly to you, offering a $20 deal to help you heal from your past hurt and trauma.
It’s sold through the veneer of a day out for the ladies, where you can meet like-minded people, have lunch, enjoy a glass of bubbles, and participate in a letting-go fire ceremony.
When you arrive, you see chairs and tables lined up in front of a stage, set amongst a natural backdrop. People settle nervously. A woman steps up, introducing ‘someone who has risen from the ashes. She has boldly gone to places that others can only dream of, and because of that, she is here today to offer you a very special invitation to heal, too.’
A woman dressed in white linen strides boldly to the stage, takes the mic. She looks stern, and she speaks with confidence.
‘ I understand the sadness, the struggle, the way it can feel impossible to trust again. I know what it’s like to second-guess every decision because you’re afraid of repeating the past.
I know because I’ve lived it. And I found the solution.
That’s why we’re here today. Because you want that solution, and I’m going to show you how to step into it so you can leave here feeling stronger, clearer, and ready to move forward.
Together, we’ll uncover what needs to shift so that you can be loved, fully and without fear. On your seat there’s a pen and a notebook. Take notes—you will need them. I’m going to provide everything you need to begin authentic healing.
There is also a keyring with my details on one side and the words ‘You Are Enough’ on the other. Keep it close. Let it remind you, on the hard days, that someone believes in you. You don’t need therapy; you just need the courage to step forward.’
She smiles briefly.
‘Hi, my name is Marisa. I’m here to help you in the way I wish I’d been helped when I went through the same challenges so many of us have faced.
I’m 45, twice divorced, happily re-partnered. I live in a beautiful community with beautiful people and my Labrador, Gemma.’
A projector flickers on, showing images of Marisa looking highly successful, commanding an audience, lunching with friends, carefree, problem-free. You want that too.
Marisa then offers an introductory exercise: ‘What would you like most out of life?’ Now she has information on every single person. She knows how to tailor this experience. She will use language to adjust to her audience. She will speak about how possible it is to reach the goal. She will talk about how awful she had it before, then more projected pictures will follow.
‘You are not victims,’ she will shriek. ‘You want what everyone wants! But in order to do this you will need to commit to your healing.’
But first, you have to listen if you want to rise. Marisa has you hooked; you want more. You want access to this idyllic linen lifestyle; you want your friends to wear linen and drink bubbles and laugh together.
Marisa’s presence appears angelic; she smiles, she listens intently to everyone. She pairs you off into small groups so you can also discuss how much you want to be different. If you are unfortunate, you will get paired with the trauma dumper, which may make you want to be back in Marisa’s presence again.
Then she presents the ‘Pied Piper’ pitch.
Marisa comes back to the podium, and she starts weaving her offers into the stories. Remember, she has the answer, and you will need to follow her if you want that answer. If you want to be like Marisa, then you have to wait.
‘A lot of people will tell you they can help. And the moment you need them, they’re gone. That’s not me. I’m here until you’ve crossed to the other side.’
The group is hooked. Everyone has identified what they do want and what they don’t want to happen. They’re reminded they are not victims. Marisa has many people enraptured. She then starts speaking about what makes her different from other life coaches. She is passionate, she treats every client like her own child, she loves her clients, she is available night and day, she won’t leave you when you are down. She has opened a community for her clients so they can mentor each other.
Marisa is so generous if you sign right now. The course is usually $32,000. Today, you can get it for $27,000. She will also throw in many extras that are only available on that day.
Several people lean forward and ask, “Where do I sign?” Others, who do not want to feel left out, join in. Soon, Marisa has a 25% sign-up. She goes harder into the sell, reminding everyone of their lack of skills, their sad lives, and the opportunity to move into this dreamy linen world if they were only willing to dive in. She doesn’t need to force the issue—she speaks gently, confidently. She makes you think you are opting in rather than signing a contract. However, those free pens carry symbolism of intent.
Marisa is a predator, and you are a victim. She sees you as nothing more than fodder to prop her exclusive lifestyle. She believes in her delusion; she has flunkies who do too. She sells you a course with a 25-week commitment. It doesn’t matter if you sign up and change your mind—she has a 25% admin fee clause. If you see through the advertising, she will sniff you out and remind you what you are missing out on, with sympathetic ‘check-in’ calls.
Marisa has artfully recognised that by picking on people she deems less fortunate, she can capitalise on suffering by offering a way out. She positions herself as the rescuer. An easy fix—not years in therapy, not even going through pain. You just need to do these steps, and you’ll be out and getting dressed in linen in no time. Marisa has opened the door, and all you have to do is step through.
The internet is full of these characters. I’ve observed hundreds of them, pouting into the camera, telling their redemption story through divorce, violence, and hardship. Most aren’t qualified. Many have nothing more than a two-month online diploma and a talent for spotting the wounded. It is a compensatory response to position yourself as the rescuer and not wanting to be perceived as the victim, without doing the work. This is Marisa’s ‘solution’.
Even with the best intentions, information and knowledge can only go so far. To do the work, you have to go through it, individually, at the mercy of what you may uncover along the way. You have to unravel to reassemble. You unlearn intellectualising your emotions to safeguard. And get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Predatory life coaches can do significant damage, as can anyone in the helping industry. But that’s the point: professionals in the health industry are fully cognisant of the potential to do harm, there is a power differential at play. People arrive at the door vulnerable, wanting something different, and they are invited to commit to the journey emotionally, not through sign-ups, commitment to courses, or group therapy sessions where you are told what to do and blamed if you don’t comply or question the efficacy of the method.
Life coaches often sell courses that purport one size fits all, that this one course is life-changing for everyone who signs up. The setup being that you are duped into believing you will heal from trauma in six months if you do… This just isn’t possible, even with the most well-intended life coaches. The profession of life coaching is to look onward and make changes now. If you have received neural pathway brain changes due to childhood neglect, then this isn’t going to help you.
True healing involves going backwards, weaving loops between safety in the here and now, what happened in childhood, and recognising how this impacts you to affect change going forward. We aren’t programmable robots that can clear our trauma via an exercise and then think positive thoughts going forward. We also cannot heal trauma in isolation; it needs to be with connection, in relationship.
You can’t call yourself a life coach and speak as if you have the secret to unlock the code to reparent the younger parts. You bring that little child out before they are ready, and you risk a mental health breakdown. This isn’t a prescription we are talking about messing with a person’s psyche. If that person has been abused, they are open to further abuse without realising it until it’s too late. Predators come in many shapes and sizes.
There are also many good and competent life coaches. They have credentials and understand the boundaries of their role; they have disclaimers and are clear that this is not a substitute for therapy. They work with behaviour changes and strategies that shift awareness. Their courses are solution-focused and embody positive psychology. Some are really skilled writers, able to make complex situations accessible and relatable. There is a place for all.
However, anyone who puts pressure on you to sign up for something, offers you a one-time discount, or locks you into a long-term commitment is not doing it with your healing in mind. They are doing this purely to monetise your suffering and pull in the dollars as quickly as possible as a signal to their success and their grandiosity—that they are ‘healing the world’ with their solutions. I don’t care how beautiful the person is—investigate their background, credentials, and clauses before you sign anything. To them, subscriptions, numbers, and dollars equal success, which feeds their ego. The idea that we monetise mental health I find abhorrent.
I have many clients who have been referred to me after being traumatised by pseudo-therapy and predatory life coaches who rejected them after labelling them ‘too hard’ or ‘resistant to therapy,’ ‘not compliant,’ because the therapist/coach failed to recognise the boundary of their role and how vulnerable a person’s psyche is. Some have failed to even recognise the existence of trauma at all. A survivor of trauma is a victim and needs recognition from the outset. It does not make them weak.
I wrote this on reflection after a supposed life coach reached out to me after reading one of my blogs and positioned me as a victim that they could help. They advised me that they could make me more effective with my clientele and even suggested I shouldn’t be working with trauma victims, if I am depressed. Clearly, this person completely missed the point of why I am writing in the way I choose to right now and why this benefits me to witness my own story and doing so helps others recognise their own.
So, I wrote this as a warning to anyone who feels obligated to sign up for something they are not sure they have actively consented to and do not know how to leave. You can leave any therapist, life coach, or psychologist at any time if they no longer serve you, or you feel the relationship is no longer therapeutic. Walking away is a sign of healing, too.
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